What's happiness?

This post was originally published on golifelog.com.

I think I’ve forgotten how to feel fortunate and happy. Sometimes it feels like I’m just existing for the sake of existing. I know I’m lucky that I’ve got a roof over my head, enough money to eat anything I want, caring parents and a handful of close friends.

Of course, I could write I’m missing something because I’m living alone and without a partner, but that would be a lie. I like living along. Sure, it would be more “fun” to be with somebody, but why bother? Would it make me happy? I don’t know. I don’t even remember when I was really happy the last time. Feels like it was decades ago.

I know this “existence” state isn’t healthy, and I know it drains more energy than the “normal” state. But why bother changing something while the mascaraed works?

(Yes, I know I should seek a professional.)