The last few days were somehow connected to Monday’s hard night. I wrote more than 600 words on that post. I didn’t ask for that much, but it had to be written.
Now, a few days later I am thinking about that night and more importantly the day after. When I woke up at nine am, with the plan to cut all upcoming duties I would have to do and a plan how I would communicate that to our duty divisor everything made sense.
I took a shower and got into cloths. I went down the stairs and talked to the divisor. I almost shouted at him, I am just realizing this now. I told him how I didn’t sleep the night and that I can’t take this anymore. I said that I won’t do any more duties until August.
He just said he understands and will take the appropriate action, so my afternoons and more importantly my nights will be free. Then, I went off to work.
Now, what I am just realizing since then, I almost had a mental Breakdown, right in front of him. Thinking about it, I know I was close to tears (I have a feeling right before the tears start dropping). I quickly got into my car and drove off.
Thinking about it, I probably should have let the tears come. “But as a male, you have to be strong”, what a rubbish believe. Males can and should be sentimental and allowed to cry sometimes.
Today, I am not sitting here in tears but I thought I should write that feelings down, just to let them loose and go on with life.