Blog | Philipp Haidenbauer

WebDev, DevOp and Paramedic

Invisible Scars

Posted at — Apr 26, 2019

Yesterday I wrote a pretty heavy post about a girl with depression. A Comment from @keni led to today’s post.

”@phaidenbauer - Oh wow. How do you do it? Reading about what you experienced is hard. I can imagine experiencing it. Thank you for sharing this.” I’ve responded in short on this comment, and today I’m going for “the long version” :)

As a paramedic driving two times a week for more than 4 years now I’ve seen many things. Car accidents, heart attacks, strokes, mental breakdowns, houses you couldn’t imagine someone living inside and of course dead and dying people.

At this point, I have to thank that I’ve not seen a suicide yet. But I’ve heard stories about them.

And that’s probably one of the best methods we as paramedics use from day to day. Storytelling.

At almost every night shift I’m doing, and on every other occasion, where I’m meeting paramedic friends, we are talking about past cases.

Mostly with a really really dark sense of humor. We’re joking about death causes, death conditions and every other thing which would definitely not be funny for the person or group of persons in question.

I know it probably sounds horrifying to you, but this is one of the best methods to see something really bad in another light and it takes the pressure and pain out of a past situation.

We are regularly overwhelmed with situations we aren’t really trained on. You just can’t train/prepare for a dead person until you see one.

I’ve seen three since I started my paramedic career. And I can tell you from all three what they’ve worn and where we found them. I can even tell you with what paramedic colleges I was there and what weather it was.

Some moments just burn right into your mind. No matter how often you tell the story, no matter how often you think about or write about. They will stay there, probably forever. Yesterday’s case was such a moment.

I don’t regret the decision I walked this way. But the pathway will leave invisible scars on my mind.